Sex & Love Part 3

My girlfriend is this beautiful and we live together. It's excruciating at times.

She comes to bed late and snuggles inbehind me and I get very hard and throbby. I am supposed to. I am a male who lives and loves a beautiful and sexy woman. I was built that way by God who shows no mercy in these things.

It's not all lust either, or animal desire. Some of it is relational connection. I enjoy her. She has amazing eyes and curves and she makes me happy just sitting next to her. She laughs easy and her dark hair is beguiling. I am in love.

I take her hand and guide it down to my hardness and place her hand over it hoping the feel of it will get the message across. She lets it lay there for a good five minutes. When I start to move it a little bit, she rolls over and away to get some sleep.

Two hours later she inadvertantly whacks me upside the head as she shifts.

Not the headshot I was hoping for.

*******

"Oh I am so sorry darling," she coos.

Not as sorry as I am.

I am sorry I am alive right then. You see ladies, we cannot turn it off the way you can.

It is now 2:13 a.m. I will be awake here utterly aroused for...oh...let's see...just an hour or two.

Throbbing.

And make no mistake. God made me this way.

Now it is not a viable excuse, but the reason good men have affairs is because they are unsatisfied at home (which we shall get to because media adds to this). Women too have affairs, but less often by a large degree and it is often because they are lonely.

I am not lonely.

No, I was built by God to pursue and my girlfriend feels pursued. She likes this but does not understand what it means.

*******

At first there is no problem. You meet, the charge is there...you have sex a lot. It is, of course, not just about sex. That is just one part of it.

Later, when the sex becomes more and more infrequent...THAT is when the man begins to suspect that he is doomed.

He is doomed because all the while he has been pursuing he has also been drawn in. In the beginning he had some control. Now he is gut-hooked and she can have no mercy because it makes no sense to her.

She is simply tired.

*******

It is not sexist to suggest that men are more visually stimulated than women sexually.

We all know this is true. If you do not agree then you are as dumb as a bag of hammers.

The long hair, the full lips, and oh God...the curves. Breasts are a silly concept unless you are a man.

The 5th Avenue Ad men are not confused at all. Watch the ads, look at the magazines. Nonstop sexual images. If this was a war, and it is in some ways, we would be being carpet-bombed at least 10 hours a day with only short breaks.

Now I am a good man...a saint. Not in the Catholic sense, but in the chivalrous sense. I am a one woman man, or at least wish to be. I am not a predator with an immature need to conquer women sexually to feel alive.

I could be if I chose. Only once has a less than beautiful woman seduced me, and not a few men have wondered "how does he do it?"

I do it because I understand what women want, but they do not understand me at all.

What do I understand?

I understand that a woman wants to be ADORED and appreciated in an utterly singular and loyal way. She wants her unique femininity and beauty to be prized above all others (it's okay to look, but adoration is another matter). She wants this sweet adoration to come in many ways, and it is not narcissistic at all. She wants to be touched that way and JUST for her, not for you until she is half insane. It is just what God or nature intended...that her beauty and the glory of God which is female (not just male) is drawn out.

That simple.

That is why they are destroyed when a man betrays them with another woman. That is why they live, often, in fear.

*******

Men do not live in fear unless they live with an angry woman.

If they do then it is as Proverbs says "better to live in the attic alone" than in the house. I know, I have done this and it left my three-quarters dead. I am still trying to recover. I give myself a 50-50 chance.

My girlfriend is not an angry woman unless given real cause.

That's fair.

In fact, she is quite loving, sweet and gracious. I cannot think of the last time she had a harsh word for me. She treates me with love, care and respect.

I am a lucky man, or blessed depending on your worldview.

So she lives with some fear. It's why she checks my websites and the dating personals often. It is why I am going to show her this site because she will find it anyway.

She cannot help it. She has been burned by men again and again, and, while not "technically"...she has been burned by me.

Thus the fear.

But I do not have the fear. I have the "frustration".

My girlfriend will not leave me for another man. She may leave for other reasons, but not that.

No. She knows, in the words of Flannery O'Conner, that a "good man is hard to find."

I am a good man.

I am also a hard man, and I am in love with a very beautiful woman.

I am doomed to a life of frustration even though my sex/pursuit drive has mellowed.

Doomed.

********

To be sure, it has been worse, but if I have any "fear" at all, it comes from that time.

You see I was once married and there is an old saying that "the person who loves the least has the power".

I loved alot.

So I often went three, four...six months deprived of intimacy from a woman I dearly loved.

It's, I guess, a sensitive issue for me still.

Biology
A lot has been made of biology. This makes sense since none of us would exist without it.

So let's move on.

I am, as a male, hard-wired to spread my seed. God has complicated matters by tying love, devotion, fidelity and the whole yin/yang mascaline/feminine reflected "created them male/female" glory thing into the mix.

Thanks God. Nice Job (hehe).

There is No Way for anyone to win unless they cross the street.

You have to cross the street.

And it is best if you invite each other over across the street.

I have to listen to her, and when she invites, cross the street into her world. When I come back I have to keep that world with me so I am still with her.

I have to protect that street...that world.

But I cannot do it for her. So, for now, I get the innocent headshot in the middle of the night.