Objects May be farther away than they appear...

Okay. These are not real breasts. I mean they are, but they have been surgically "enhanced". They are more like flotation devices.

Help me I'm drowning!

No serious website about human "thoughts" would be complete without a meditation on boobs.

Face it. Half the human species thinks about them every 17 seconds. Therefore it is a major topic, er... well like 43% of every waking moment for the entire species.

Which is just silly. Doggone silly.

Really. Think it through (I already did the math).

If the woman depicted above was to walk down the mall... the jaws of men would drop like the safety test at a ballbearing factory.

Okay, okay...she also has a very beautiful face. But men usually size up shape first.

It is not their fault. It is nature.

Not that initial nature cannot be counteracted.

Many men will fall in love and marry for a good long while a woman who is not so shapely. Perhaps this woman has even had a breast or two removed due to cancer. No matter. These men love their women come what may.

Other women are not "gifted" in this way. The are like boys with a slight puffiness in their chest. Yet, they have beautiful eyes and are luscious all the same.

We men are undone by the darndest things.

But all the while the 5th Avenue Ad-men/women understand quite well what sells. So they hit us with....er

Breasts.

Globular objects that we males were weened (or not) on.

It's really strange if you think about it.

******

So the woman above, who was incredibly beautiful to begin with, chose to "enhance" her breasts.

It is pretty obvious.

Why? We dunno.

But it got our attention (the 47% of us who cannot look away).

And another 27% of the species (women) also checked her out and went "peh".

So she got our attention.

But it is not real.

*******

Okay.

(I feel like Joe Pesci here.."okay...okay...okay...")

So here is the deal. Women who do not wish to "enhance" now often wish to "downsize".

It's not bad enough that corporate America wants to downsize, but now many women want to downsize.

I know this.

My Ex-wife downsized 5 years before I met her,

It was not pretty. (Out of respect I will save the details, but can you say "no feeling?")

Now my current girlfriend (who will make me sleep on the porch for the next week...it's okay..it's summer) suddenly wants to downsize.

Great.

Just fucking great.

******

She just announced this last night.

That and our current lack of intimacy sent me into a tidal pool where there was only lonliness, celibacy and an urchin or two...kinda spinny and sharp.

Life can be shit.

*******

So my girlfriend wants to downsize...breastwise. My Ex-wife did that and it left her sexually dead and lost.

Perfect.

Meanwhile a gazillion women are considering breast implants.

New term: "Breast Envy".

Can't we just let what is...be as it is?

*******

Personally, to me, the most beautiful thing about a woman is her face and her heart.

Note I said both.

I am not an idiot, though I play one in real life every once and awhile.

No, when I first met The Babeage (If Mimi can call Jay the Dude, I can call her The Babeage. No PC.) it was her eyes that immediately caught my attention. It was not till way later that I even thought about her breasts. Then I thought "oh this is good".

She has amazing eyes. Simply beautiful. That and her oriental hair drive me crazy.

********

Most women I have talked with, on any deep level about this have some sort of "relationship" with their breasts.

Some of them have names for "them", which I find a little silly as the "them" is a part of themselves. One woman I knew even called them "The Sisters", which I have a feeling is not all that uncommon.

I thought this strange until I remembered...gulp. "The rubber trout is all about", and suddenly I heard Iric Idle singing in the background...

So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,

Etc.

So I dunno anymore.

Objectification of others is harmful. Self-objectification is just plain weird.

*******

Well we need a conclusion to this tale.

We all know that breasts are an important part of life.

Before American companies started producing their own versions (mostly for third-world countries) it was how you lived your first year as a human being. It was how you were fed, male or female.

It was really holy if you think about it. And even now, when you see a woman breastfeeding her baby there is something sweet and holy about it.

(Remember, I'm The Saint. I get paid to observe these things).

Later, in adolescence comes the change. The boobs start to grow (often rather quickly) and everyone notices.

Yes, everyone.

And thus begins the dance of the breasts.

"They are not big enough"
"They are too big"
"Did you see her?"

Oh Lord (No Fundie).

This "Dance" continues on throughout adult life.

All over two globular objects with nipples.

*******

But is that really so?

I find The Babeage extremely attractive.

Why?

Is it her breasts?

No.

I do admit that her "shape" does something primordial to me.

There is a difference...subtle as it may be.

First, if it were not for her heart...her sweetness and respect and loving way I would not trust her.

I do.

Then she is really fun.

Then it's the eyes and the hair. (Hair is a lot more sexy than most people realize).

So on top of all of that she has this shape so utterly different than a man (no homo). Tank top wrapped around her curvaceousness...loose shirt...those eyes...oh shit.

And I get to sleep on the porch.

But that is all about initial attraction...or was.

Like romance, it recurs at the strangest of times, usually at the wrong moment. We can walk around here for days like siblings..then BANG. It hits me.

No one ever claimed life was fair.