Anti-dream...or is it?

With the encouragement of a friend I fell asleep listening to Thomas Newton. The soundtrack quietly warped and woofed through the developing fabric of my dreaming.

It was dark outside on a warm summer night as I approached the small bungalow. She was waiting outside in a long cotton gown. She seemed to be having fun, taking care somehow.

When I saw her and walked up she turned and smiled.

"What are you going?"

She crinkled her little nose and said "I'm just taking care of the last."

"Okay," I said and went inside past the screen and regular door.

I could hear Newton's Mauve Antartica in the background, twinkling, dancing, a little sweep here. Beautiful. Like delicate cat paws on new carpet.

But the room was empty. I turned on the air conditioner but it made no sound. Just the music.

I lay down on simple soft bedding. The dark yellow glow of the lighting warmed the room. I felt at peace.

She did not come into the room. The dream was too short. But she didn't need to. I knew in her time she would, and lay down next to me. I would smell her hair, and enjoy the line of her jaw in the light, and she would stretch out and just want to be held.

And I felt happy. A room with nothing but a bed. A woman to trust. Crickets outside, and a winsome soundtrack.

Ah...if life were only like this.

But it can be, in a dream..or if we choose it...sometimes.

Darkness

It's not a place you wanna go to.

Unrequited love that becomes like a spell.

Its dark and grusome. You wait for it to end but it goes on.

It's a sadness that prevails and overlooks.

Few can fathom it.

Unrequited Love Part 1

She looks happy, huh?
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Pepe Le Pew is instructive of many a male female catastrophe. He goes by outward appearances and falls for a feline of a different species.

She is not amused or enamored by his constant advances, which do not deter him in the least.

But his "love" for her is unrequited...unanswered, or if so, the answer is "no". Yet he continues on unwavering to pursue.

Napoleon Dynamite took lessons from Pepe, which is probably why he took Pedro under his wing.

Unlike our cartoon friend, most of us have experienced unrequited love at one time or another. Perhaps even many times and it begs a number of questions.

First, why would you want to be with anyone who would not truly desire to be with you?

That is the reverse of the old Groucho Marx joke that he would never "want to belong to any club that would have me as a member," which answers why some people abide years of unrequited love. They do not believe they deserve love from someone they admire and find beautiful.

Nonsense, I say.

Second, it often happens by mis-timing like the constant backfiring of your neighbors car which was last tuned in 1974. When she is ready you are not. When you become ready she is not. When it is corrected you are out of gas. It becomes something like Bunuel attempting to film Madame Butterfly or George Bush responding to New Orleans.

I know this from first hand knowledge. It's a little like the sketch in Woody Allen's Love and Death between Natasha and Sonya where Natasha spills her guts about unrequited love in Tolstoy's Russia:

Natasha: "I'm in love with Alexi
He loves Elisha
Elisha is having an affair with Leiv
Leiv loves Tatana
Tatana loves Simkin
Simkin loves me
I love Simkin but in a different way than Alexi
Alexi loves Tatana like a sister
Tatana's sister love Tregoran like a brother
Tregoran's brother is having an affair with my sister
who he likes physically, but not spiritually."

Sonya: "Natasha! It's getting a little late."

Natasha: "The firm of Mishkin and Mishkin is sleeping with the firm of Tuskoff and Tuskoff"

Sonya: "Natasha...to love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love, but then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore to be happy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness."

"I hope you are getting this down."
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God have mercy on us all in Part 2...

Unrequited Love Part 2

Part of the issue is the "romantic myth" grounded in the literature and song of 12th Century Europe...most specifically the province of "roman".

So we see here that the world has been conquered twice by the same word.

But where one held the sword in "Pax Romana" (peace at any cost) the other is a conqueror of hearts and minds in an almost upward viral way.

From the Medieval troubadours the virus of romantic love took Western civilization from the near primordial stories of Tristan and Iseult. With King Mark, this triad morphs later into Camelot, Shakespeare, and feeds a near Middle Eastern pipeline of energy into modern romanticism. Every television show, novel, film...or shitty magazine on the shelf at Safeway is informed by this romantic myth.

It is always a triad. That triad can be and man and woman and danger. That triad can be a man and woman and another woman, or man. That triad can be a man and a man and a disease. It can be Brad, Jen and Angelina, or it can be Scott, Lacey and the judicial system.

It sells. It attracts. There is drama in the triad.

And drama is what we want...and get.

But we do not necessarily get love. That's the trick.

And maybe why the divorce rate in California is like 60 percent, with another 25 percent just opting out entirely.

Maybe the myth is at fault?

Isn't it interesting that at the core of the romantic myth is unrequited love?
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Hmnnnn...

Unrequited Love Part 3

Some days it's best to stay on shore.
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Surfing will be my new metaphor for awhile. Usually it's baseball, but I am studying surfing.

What do you think went through this surfer's mind when he saw that?

Yet he wants to catch a wave. Needs to catch one.

A lot like love in a postmodern world.

And I am not being cynical.

The Hummingbird Tolls For Me, Part 1

"To see hummingbirds in your dream, suggests that small ideas/concepts may possess much potential and power. Alternatively, it indicates your flighty thoughts and frivolous ideas. It may be a metaphor for your inability to commit to a relationship."
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Dreams are sometimes funny and at other times decidely not.

I was laying in bed and it was starting to get light out. I looked over at the wall and a hummingbird was perched on a small stand. When it saw me it flew straight over and landed on my head.

"Oh great," I said. "I'm dreaming again and there is a hummingbird on my head..."

I got up on the side of the bed and tried to decide if I was going to go for an early morning run. Then I woke up in my actual bedroom and started recollecting the various aspects of the dream. Unlike the dream I wrote about recently, this one had a different feel to it and I did not like it one bit.

But what are dreams? What are their aboriginal function in our lives? And when people give "interpretations" (like above...got that one online) how do they know?

I did some background research, which given my encyclopedic mind took the usual three to five minutes. More than long enough to reconstruct my dream and get a solid interpretation.

And this was, while not a nightmare, still a disturbing dream.

First, the hummingbird.

I'm gonna go with the latter interpreation. I have also been experiencing, lately, an increased ability to write and form longer projects and a much faster rate. What use to take me weeks to write now takes a matter of hours. This little series will be done before breakfast. They almost writes themselves.

But there are side effects to whatever is happening in my brainpan. When I awake I have way too many thoughts and images swirling around me brain and a general lack of clarity until I get up, sometimes throw up, have a drink and settle in at the computer.

From there things quiet down. But the Hummingbird felt like a warning.

"Flighty thoughts and frivilous feelings"...hmnn. Let's have a look at the rest of the dream.
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More Hummingbirds...

The Hummingbird Tolls For Me, Part 2

"Alternatively, it indicates your flighty thoughts and frivolous ideas. It may be a metaphor for your inability to commit to a relationship."
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Earlier in the dream I had just dregged myself out of a swamp. In the swamp there were vagrants laying on the bottom of the pools of water..two of them. They did not look well. Above me was a long bookshelf and on the top I found a book in process that I had been writing with a few good friends. More on that later.

I walked out into a beautiful; courtyard and there was a display of pieces of art and silver. Inbetween each layer was a protective soft cloth. I would sit and peel back a layer and a beautiful piece of silver art was undersneath. I would set it aside and uncover and a long fluted piece of hummingbird art, garden art, was there.

I was most taken by the hummingbirds. Some had long porcelain shafts for placing them in the earth, then crystal centers then a metal or ceramic hummingbird always at the top. One in particular grabbed my attention. It was larger and inside the center of a crystal base was layered with salt, then beautiful crystals, then another substance then it may have been diamond at the top. Pewter handle and then, the hummingbird.

I sat and looked at it and thought, "This thing must have cost a fortune to produce. Amazing." It was as hefty and broad as a large dagger.

Layer after layer.

There was nothing frivilous about any of these hummingbirds, but then they were representations. Cold dead art.

Perhaps a picture or series of them of the beauty and value, yet coldness, of lost relationships.

I'm not very good with women long term. Oh I can be quite charming at first. But if you note from the TV series, it always seems that while it is good and good things happen, I end up alone. I think it's the exploits and the danger.

But it might be my "frivilous thoughts and inability to commit."

I may be chivalrous and frivilous.
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The Book and the Pool...

The Hummingbird Tolls For Me, Part 3

I like to gamble.
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To deconstruct a dream one must take what first comes to mind. If Francis Crick is correct (and he did a fine job on DNA and a variety of other subjects) then one purpose of dreams is to purge the brain and consciousness of unwanted information. It's like reverse-learning. You are unlearning things you will not need.

However, that is not the only function. There are many others. Another is to have a quick look at perhaps what you do not wish to see or things that, while good, you may also wish not to see.

Let's get back to my dream which began in the Bed, one not so different from my own.

To see your bed in your dream, represents you intimate self and discovery of your sexuality. If you are sleeping in your own bed, then it denotes security and restoration of your mind. You are looking for domestic bliss and peace.

My goodness. The hummingbirds and the bed seem a bit at odds.

Let's return to the swamp and have a look. First the book. It was not well-done and only mentioned me once, and under another pen name. The artwork was poor and done by someone I did not know. I was quite disappointed and it was also shabbely bound. It almost appeared as if it had been transformed into some sort of crude children's story.

That is when I saw the vagrants sleeping underwater. At first I thought they were dead, with their swollen eyes and stillness. But they roused for a moment.

I did know, in the dream, that water is the symbol for the unconscious. I did a bit of unofficial dream analysis right then (inside of the dream, which is a neat trick if you can get away with it). I decided they represented death.

Then I looked this up a few minutes ago.

Swamp:

To dream that you are walking through a swampy area, foretells that you will be find yourself in an adverse situation. Disappointments in love may also be implied from this symbol. You will suffer much displeasure from unwise conduct of those around you. On a less negative note, walking through a swamp, denotes that you will experience prosperity and pleasure, but through dangerous and intriguing means.

Well, The latter is what I am all about. Let's face it. The former not so very much but it may be closer as the whole din of this dream was dark.

What about the vagrants O Wheel O Dreams?

To dream that you are a vagrant, denotes that you are trying to escape from the confines of social expectations. It may also indicate your current condition of poverty and misery.

To speak and give to the vagrant, symbolizes your generosity and are surrounded by valuable friends.

This one is curious. I was not the vagrant and was immediately concerned for them both. Ironically, the fact they were sleeping underwater made me think they were temporarily safe, though some violence had been done to them.

I did not speak to them but felt for them.

In some ways I felt, at the time, that they were an advanced picture of me. Perhaps I would end up beaten and submerged along the roadside of the unconscious. But why two?

I have no idea. Dreams are funny that way in an unfunny way.
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Next...

The Hummingbird Tolls For Me, Part 4

See what I have to endure...being a Saint?
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Two last factors...the group and the book.

There was a group I was supposed to be a part of. But I got in another group and did class with them. It was good fun, but when the other group came out they introduced themselves to me and an old woman ploped down on the coach next to me and with bright red lipstick, gave me a grandma kiss.

It was sweet and kind.

Groups mean:

To see a group in your dream, refers to the merging of various aspects of your character and personality.

Well by now you can see that is certainly not the case. Okay, how about books and the Book in particular?

To see children's books in your dream, memories and a collection of personal memories from your own childhood. It may also suggest your desire to escape from reality and retreat into some fantasy world.

Well if I did not before, I certainly do now. Can I go back to my room now? No, not that one...the other one!
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Simon Templar has left the building and will be back on Sunday.